dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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