Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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