Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
