I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
