How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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