I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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