So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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