A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
