She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
