I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
