My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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