Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
