I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
