I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
