im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
