Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
