I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize