Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
