Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
