Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
