Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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