and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
