he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
