It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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