You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
