FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
