I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
