Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
