Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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