somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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