dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
