I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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