You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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