what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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