Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
