By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
this just has baby written all over it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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