Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
