I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he shaved USA in his pubs
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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