How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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