I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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