Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
