Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
