I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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