True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have fence marks all over my body
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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