Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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