everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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