I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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