Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
