why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
