i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
