My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
