Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize