Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
