Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
