i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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