You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
