Everything about him screamed your future.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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