Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
