The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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